That sound you heard was me screaming FML

I'm behind on NaBloPoMo already. Oh well. After Friday I needed to take some time off. From everything. Let me set the stage....

After months of working on optimizing this brand new assay, I finally have it working(ish-- the assay has to be optimized for each cell line, but that's not as technically challenge as getting the thing to work in the first place). I spent the month of October gathering data using this particular assay for a departmental talk I have to give to my new department this coming Thursday. This data will also be used for my EB abstract that is due this coming Thursday (edit: I just saw an email saying the deadline has been extended until the 13th, but I think my abstract still has to be done by the 8th to apply for travel money). Last week was spent analyzing the data I had gathered.

On Friday I was in our collaborator's lab, who furnishes us with a reagent (it's relatively expensive and it's a trade agreement between our labs). I was talking to the technician who makes up this particular reagent and we were discussing a strange result someone else saw involving this reagent. In the course of this conversation we realized that she used the wrong bottle when making this up. Completely invalidating my data and another lab's data. Ruining 50% of the data I was going to present on Thursday and put in my abstract. 

I was rather unhappy. However, the tech was almost in tears. The tech completely understood the magnitude of hir mistake. I just couldn't bring myself to get mad at hir, since the tech was obviously so upset. Instead I complained about hir on twitter and about how much my life sucked. 

Now, I'm no saint. I ranted and raved to Dr. Man over wine about how awful this was and used extreme foul language. And I'll ask the tech to help me with some data processing this week. Ripping zie a new one won't help get me new data, but using the guilt to get another pair of hands will help. 

RBOC:NaBloPoMo Edition

• Ack! I completely forgot about NaBloPoMo this year. I really wanted to attempt it this time. Le sigh. I suppose I'll just start it a day late. I mean, what's going to happen? Is the national blogging police going to come after me?
• Double Ack! I forgot my blogiversary... again.
• Triple Ack! Yesterday was my two year defense-iversary. I can't believe I defended two years ago. Time does fly.
• I'm frustrated by things at work right now. It's mostly because I've reached my project-limit and my PD PI wants to add more to my plate. Well, technically I suppose this project has been on my plate-- it's just been the last priority. I was going to do Extraneous Pilot Project the week before Thanksgiving. (It's a logistical thing. I won't be around Thurs-Sun that week. So I'll kill off my cells and won't be performing any assays. This would have given me the perfect window to perform Extraneous Pilot Project.)
• Kiddo was super cute during his Fall Festival at daycare. His favorite thing was the "hayride" (a wagon full of hay that I pulled him around in. His second favorite thing was staring/tentatively touching the pumpkins, which he insisted upon calling bubbles.
• Kiddo's vocabulary includes: Daddy, doggy, di-er (diaper), ba (ball), boo (book), baooo (balloon), apul (apple), ca (car), go, baaaa (said at a high, excited pitch means bus), a possible towel and blue, as well as various signs.
• Kiddo's vocabulary does not include: Mommy and no. The latter may be forthcoming, though. I'm still waiting on the former.
• Kiddo told what I think was his first joke the other day. We were "playing" one of his favorite games. In this game he points at something and names it. In this particular itteration we were sitting in the living room and he was naming his toys (there was lots of ba and some ca). He pointed to Dr. Man and said "Dadddy!" He then pointed to me, said "Doggy!," and then proceeded to collapse in a fit of giggles.

Logistics: My Schedule

I remember reading way back in March a call for posting about logistics for/with working moms. At the time I was falling apart. It was generally a stressful time and I didn't feel anywhere close to having it together. Now I am about as together as I think I'll get. As such, I have decided to write a series of posts about the logistics of my life. I know that most of this is an exercise in navel gazing, but I think it's important to share the details of how we all manage to be working parents. I'm going to start this series with my current schedule of how an average weekday goes in my life. However, it is only an average weekday and there are a variety of things that might affect it. Say, a cold that causes Kiddo to wake up at 4:17am, 5:07am, and 5:30am, which may or may not have happened last night. So, as one might say in a paper: "The below is a representative schedule of an N of approximately 322 days."

Note: Kiddo is just over 15 months old now.
6:00am Wake up with alarm. If Kiddo hasn’t woken up during the night (praise God!), then go check to make sure he’s still alive.
6:05am Make oatmeal and coffee. Pack lunch. Feed dog. If diapers were wet the night before, stuff/pack diapers (we use cloth diapers like this).
6:15am Sit down for breakfast with coffee.
6:30am Crap! I’m late! Start negotiating for bathroom time with Dr. Man. (Yes, I realize this would be alleviated if I used the other bathroom, but neither one of us wants to lug stuff back and forth across the house. Yes, this might make us lazy.)
6:45am Get Kiddo up and dressed.
7:00am Leave the house for daycare.
7:15am Drop Kiddo off at daycare/get him started on breakfast there/talk with morning teacher
7:30am (ish) Arrive in lab (we have onsite daycare)
Work like a fiend
Noon(ish) Grab lunch either with Dr. Man (he works here too now!) or by myself
4:28pm Alarm goes off reminding me that I need to wrap things up. I frequently lose track of time and will look up from work and realize it’s late.
4:45pm Ok, I really need to pack up. Right after I finish this last little bit…
5:00pm Dr. Man calls asks if I’m ready to leave. Pack everything in a hurry inevitably forgetting something.
5:15pm Arrive at daycare. Gather up Kiddo’s stuff and talk with afternoon teacher.
5:45pm Arrive home. Unpack Kiddo’s stuff. Start/heat up dinner.
6:15pm Sit down for dinner as a family, but then get up a zillion times to get stuff for Kiddo.
6:45pm Dinner is done either because we’re done eating or Kiddo is done. Bath time!
7:00pm Done with bath. Now, time to get Kiddo ready for bed.
7:15pm Bed time story
7:30pm Bed time for Kiddo. Dr. Man may leave to go work out.
7:35pm Start Laundry
7:45pm Do Dishes. Prep dinner for the following day (this can involve getting stuff in the crock pot for the following day or making the entire dinner so it’s ready to go in the microwave the next day).
8:15/30pm Clean up kitchen. Mop dining room floor—Kiddo is a messy eater.
8:30pm Get laundry from dryer. Switch laundry if it’s done. Start folding laundry
9:00pm Usually done with folding and putting away laundry. Get all bags packed for the following day.
9:15/30pm Either read papers for the Review That Never Ends on my iPad or boot up computer to do some data analysis.
10:00/30pm Start to goof off.
11:00/30pm Bed time for me (hopefully! Sometimes I decide to stay up longer and then I suffer for it in the morning.)

Some thoughts about being a working mom

I’ve been a parent now for a little over a year and a working parent for about 11.5 months now. I have thoughts on these things, but seem to have a perpetual problem organizing them. Therefore, for the 3 people left who read this blog, you get this.

I had way too high expectations when starting back to work. I expected to return to work at my normal 100% after having Kiddo. I failed miserably at that and, in retrospect I laugh at myself. When I returned to work at about 8.5 weeks post-partum, I was averaging about 5 hours of highly broken sleep a night. I was new at this pumping thing and still a tad hormonal. The idea that I would be able to work for 8 hours straight, breaking only to feed Kiddo at lunch and pump, was and is ludicrous (I should add that it’s ludicrous for me—I’m sure that other people can work sleep-deprived with absolutely no problems). With the sleep deprivation, adjusting to all my new responsibilities, and the general stress of having to start looking for a new job (that postdoc was over at the end of spring) I was overwhelmed. My brain just was too full. Granted I came up with ways to compensate (endless lists and strict prioritization), it was a huge adjustment and I just wasn’t my best. It pains me to admit that because I never wanted to be that parent. You know, the one who is all scattered because of having a kid and doesn’t return to work at the top of her/his game.

At about 10 months in, I felt like I was getting my groove back. Now, at 11.5 months I feel like I’m back to being super productive and making smart decisions. This is because Kiddo is starting to sleep more (only waking me up once or twice a night! Instead of 5 or more!) and I’m adjusting to getting everything done.

By everything done, I mean the normal day-to-day of living stuff. Prior to Kiddo, it was relatively easy to get all my chores done in about an hour. Now, it’s much more difficult, especially since recently the only person he’ll let hold him is me. Dr. Man and I are getting better at dividing up the labor appropriately. We now sit down to dinner together (as a family—including Kiddo!) almost every day of the week. I’m rather proud of that.

I suppose that I wish I could tell the me of almost a year ago that I need to just lower my expectations and recognize that having a baby is a huge freaking deal. That I shouldn’t minimize it and realize that it’ll impact all aspects of my life.

RBOC:Long Time, No See Edition

Well, hello there, blog. I keep thinking about posting, but then I just don’t. Every time I think of a good bog post, I immediately think that *this* shouldn’t be my first post after such a long hiatus. So, I’m just going to bite the bullet (pun not intended) and post.

• I started a new postdoc at a VA hospital. For those of you, like me, that didn’t know, the VA has a thriving research program, well now you do. This particular hospital is associated with a MRU and that helps with resources, etc. So far I really like it.
• LabBFF is now exLabBFF. I’m still not sure what happened there, but she has made it passive-aggressively clear that we are no longer close friends. I’m sad about that, but I’m not sure what to do about it.
• On a related note, I don’t have a lot of friends here in PostDocTown. I’m not sure how to make more. I did join a working moms group on meetup.com and have gone to a few running/speed walking meetups. I’m hoping that this will parlay into some real friendships. On the other hand, it’s hard to make time for friendships with Kiddo.
• Speaking of Kiddo, he’s wonderful. He’s already a year old—now 13 months! He doesn’t really talk yet, but he can use sign language. Well, limited sign language. “All done” is his utilitarian sign. He uses it when he’s done with his meal, a particular food on his tray, bath time, being held, reading a book, playing with a toy, amongst other things. He has also started to sign “more,” which is useful, but doesn’t help when he wants “more” bath and it’s bed time. Still, it’s useful to try to figure out why he’s upset.
• Kiddo isn’t walking, yet, but is cruising. He’ll stand on his own—without holding on to something—for brief periods. He’s a pretty cautious kid, though, and I’m certain he’ll start walking once he feels comfortable. I have a feeling it’ll be like crawling. Kiddo didn’t crawl until he was 10.5 months. However, once he started crawling he was a pro. He started off crawling laps around our house at top speed (much to Dixie Dog’s dismay).
• Being a working mom is hard, but has gotten tremendously easier now that Kiddo is sleeping more at night. Getting at least 4 uninterrupted hours of sleep at night has been pure bliss. I’ve noticed that it has also caused an increase in my productivity at work. There’s a reason why sleep deprivation is considered torture.
• In TMI news, I’ve stopped pumping! It’s amazing how much free time I have now and I love it. I still nurse Kiddo in the morning and evening. I sometimes contemplate weaning him entirely, but I don’t want to give up the convenience factor. Most of the time when he wakes in the night I can nurse him and he falls right back to sleep. I’m afraid of disturbing that delicate balance. So I think we’ll continue with the morning/night nursing until Kiddo or I am just done with it.
• Dr. Man has finished his training and has a job. Well, a temporary job. He starts his proper job at the beginning of October. His temporary job is a bit stressful both in terms of the work and his hour-each-way commute. I’ll be glad when he’s done with this temp job at the end of August!
• Speaking of end of August, my little brother is getting married in three weeks! I can’t believe it! However, I’m excited about the event.
• Also, said wedding coincides with the three-decade anniversary of my birth. So no birthday plans for me. I’m hoping that we can celebrate it in September after Dr. Man takes his boards.

Well, enough with the brain dump. I’m hoping this will get me over the hump, so to speak, and allow me to start posting with some regularity.

Better out than in, I always say

Today Kiddo has been external longer than he has been internal (by one full day). He has passed the outdoor fetus stage, the bump on a log stage, and is now firmly entrenched in the learning to be a small person stage. It amazes me how much he’s changed in the past 9 months.

It also amazes me how much I’ve changed in the past 9 months. I can eat most anything one handed, have unlocked the change-a-squirmy-baby-oops-now-he’s-on-his-stomach achievement, and have lost ~53 pounds.

I’m pretty pleased with the little guy. Sometimes I want to slow down time so I can focus on enjoying the new things he does. (Right now he’s figuring out how to put things in a box and take them out again. It’s really cute to see the concentration on his face and how happy it makes him to dump everything out again.) However, I can do without the separation anxiety paired with the I-want-mommy-only phase. That can be one thing that can change quickly.

A Happy Post

Or: Cool things about Kiddo

I know that I’ve been complaining a lot recently, but Kiddo really is awesome and I want to share.

1. Kiddo is a natural-born scientist. It is so cool to see him figure things out. It is really neat to watch him learn how to feed himself. He was absolutely delighted to realize that the puffs were edible and tasty (for non-parents, these are cereal-like things that will dissolve-- in time-- in his mouth and are not a major choking hazard). He’s also figured out that the Dixie Dog is a creature that can move on her own. This never fails to delight him.


2. Kiddo is delighted to see me when I go to feed him at lunch or pick him up from daycare. It’s hard to stay in a bad mood because of experiments, etc. when I see him so excited to see me.


3. Kiddo has started to “play” with me. He tries various things to elicit some desired response from me. For example, he has found his tongue and will stick it out at me. When I do that to him, he’s fascinated and tries to figure out how to get me to do that again. He also tries to do things to make me laugh, which I thoroughly enjoy.


4. Sleeping baby. He will be going full force and then fall asleep in my arms.


5. Teeth. The cutting of the teeth is not fun, but the result is super cute.


6. Kiddo is molding me into a better person. Since I want to model the type of behavior I want Kiddo to have, I’m learning to be more patient and calmer. Also, snapping at an almost 9 month old is both unbecoming and the opposite of useful. This patience is transferring to Dr. Man too. So, I suppose he’s making me a better partner, too.