They're all going to laugh at you

I keep hesitating about posting here. I feel like I should start with a big catch up post, but I can't come up with an entertaining way to do it. So, what, you may ask, is the thing that is prompting me to post here again? Answer: A case of feeling like an impostor. 

I have had a rough few months fellowship-wise. I submitted a couple of fellowship applications that were denied for funding. It was a case of close, but no cigar. I whined on twitter and got over it. Recently, though, I've gotten some good news. My abstract that I submitted for an international meeting was invited to be a talk (over a poster) and I got a Young Investigator Award for the meeting. Then, just last week I was selected for my institution's T32 (there is an actual selection process). So, yay (minor) good news!

Of course, I immediately start to invalidate all of those things. The Young Investigator Award, well, everyone gets one of those. The talk, well, the organizers were probably desparate for younger speakers or something. The T32, well, I'm sure there was some political thing or I was able to fool them or something.

Dr. Man keeps trying to counteract my thinking. Not everyone gets the award. Not everyone's abstract is raised to talk (I know, I have examples). I'm insulting the PI on the T32-- by implying that they're corrupt or stupid.

I don't know why I completely swallow all the criticisms and dismiss all the compliments.